Butterfly

Once upon a time there was a caterpillar
she was timid, and was always hiding
No one knew how special she was,
Even she didn't know
But unlike other caterpillars, she could not change into the beautiful butterfly, like the rest
Year after year she waited and hoped that this would be the year but it wasn't.
She has accepted her faith as a caterpillar, this is all she knew being a caterpillar.
She didn't know how the view changes from up above when she has wings
How magnificent it is. She was scared to even think about it. But despite a caterpillar that was stuck in small tree, there was one thing that would make her forget about the sadness, it was a small little ruby that she found in a rain one day. it gave her the light that drove away the darkness around her. She felt safe and alive. However she soon realized that the Ruby was her only transiently. she couldn't keep it forever. There was a catch, she could loose it now and have it in heaven, Forever. In Heaven it would serve as her light, her smile, her happiness, her guide. In addition, if she looses the ruby now, it will protect her and think about the caterpillar from the shadows, she wouldn't have the ruby but it will always be there for her.

Well the caterpillar was really sad, because she couldn't keep the ruby, and so was the ruby, The Ruby had a particular liking for this caterpillar.

It knew that this one was special. He knew, that one day, this caterpillar will bloom into a beautiful butterfly. He knew how colorful she was. How radiant she was. How amazing she was. He knew how valuable she was. And he especially knew about her amazing powers that she didn't even know she had. The caterpillar has a unique power she had the ability to touch people in a very special way.

She gives them the ability to forgive, she gives them the ability to love, she gives them the ability to care. She gives them ability to think about happiness.

The Ruby knew this, and it cherished everything about caterpillar. And Now the Ruby must wait its short lifetime and wait for the caterpillar in Heaven, so it can be with her. It awaits patiently, angrily, sadly. But it MUST WAIT.

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There's a continuation
between my moon and heart
and my brain and the sun
with each sinking, there's a rise in the other
but can never be present at the same time
except for special occasions however
my body doesn't work that way
no matter how practical I want to be
there is always my heart
it never follows
and it's slowly diminishing
but with my brain sinking
it's shackles are lost and it beats
with more breathe
more exertion
because it doesn't want to believe
that it will be locked again
and it runs
it runs away from reality
from everything around
and no longer follows it's normal pattern
but it's own pattern
and it's lost and it loves that feeling
because it's no longer hurting, or caring for anyone else
but for itself.

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Once, if there ever was a love that was found
then it was lost in the same time of it's discover
But the pain lingers for about a hundred times that length
And with that knife it allows all my contents
To splatter on the wall, with it's twisted contents
Of myocardium, pericardium and endocardium
composed of myosin, actin, and connective tissue
and then digging deeper, it's too late
because the blood is pumping and it's fatal
and all I can do is watch as my own blood
is falling unto my fingers as it drips
and it drips with hurt
and it drips with pain
and I indulge myself with every sensation
because it's better then the pain of heartbreak
It's better than the pain of ignorance
That burning, stabbing pain
It's better than that
It's a deep deep mark
to the deep deep spark
that was once lit and now will eventually be gone
and all that is there is fibrous tissue at about 2 months

Gone

And like that, she was gone
flashed before your eyes
and vanished
from within
your heart is breaking

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Slowly, my day is sinking
Beyond the hurt and the hell
I am still not afloat
And I am weeping
and flooding in the tears
Confused and perplexed
I seek some sort of guidance
be it from anyone
but I can't find it
because I am lost, in true loosing
it is my calmness.

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I was secretly planning a death
A death surmountable to life
That is was maybe disconnected for the rest of the earth
A tribute to my life and the unwilling truth of everything
To let me have my way
Because I'm in a delightful careless sadness
A depressed state of hating, angry, and lonely
Because no one will know
No one will know
Because of the caring

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I miss
my day
my light
my star
my night
where have they gone
I'm not sure you see
because fate will take him away from me
he's left a mark
so dear to my heart
I can never forget
I can never regret
my love and his love
both intertwined
and will diverge
it's our destiny
unless we are bold
but others will then be mutilated